A common question battered mothers ask is, "How do I know if the psychiatrist is neutral or not?" Another way they ask the same question is, "How do I know if the doctor is lying to me?"

When you are at war with a batterer, you grow to learn that the healthcare and legal soldiers frequently take sides. And many of these players are easily enamored with your ex or soon-to-be ex.

He's very convincing, and that's compelling for those on the outside looking in. Think of it as it was for you in the beginning of your relationship when that same charm swept you off your feet.

Choosing Healthcare Providers

Now if your psychiatrist or psychologist is knowledgeable about domestic violence and the dynamics of battering relationships, they will be less likely to blindly buckle under an abuser's effort to impress and distort their thinking.

These people will see right through the abuser's agenda rather than buy into it. Given this, you will want to know if the psychologist or psychiatrist has specialized training and expertise in domestic abuse.

Chances are they don't. Domestic violence is a sub-specialty that is not required in the training of these healthcare professionals. Now if this is the case, don't panic. You can help to inspire the doctor's becoming knowledgeable...at least as it relates to your case.

A Deeper Knowing of the Doctor's Truth

Another way in which you can answer the concern in question is to pay attention to the doctor's actions over his words. People will tell you a lot about their thinking by the things they do, more so than by the things they say.

Be mindful of their inconsistencies and their receptivity to all aspects of your children and yourself—including abuse issues that may have been brought into your case. A healthcare provider with an ear for only one side will make impressions devoid of considerations from the other.

A Deeper Knowing of Your Inner Truth

The clearest answer may come to you from within. It's a feeling that is alive in the moment of an interaction. It's a feeling that says, "All is well." Or, it may be one of uneasiness, telling you "Beware."

When you quiet your mental chatter, this sensing becomes more apparent. It can also be known in the quiet space between your effortless thinking when reflecting on an interaction with the person in question. Bottom line is: let your gut guide you.

If you are in an abusive relationship and a mental healthcare provider has been hired during or after your divorce proceedings, learn as much as you can about domestic violence divorce. And most importantly, re-cultivate sensitivity to and trust in your inner voice.