Copyright (c) 2010 Ted Sikkink

Almost everyone has gone through a breakup. The strange thing about breakups is they don't get any easier the more often they happen. Usually other things in life, like a visit to the dentist, get easier as they happen more often. With breakups it's exactly the opposite - the more often they happen, the more heart breaking they get.

Most people secretly desire to get their ex back. This is not really a surprise, even when the relationship ended on a sour note. However, one should draw the line if an ex has been physically or verbally abusive. This is not a healthy relationship that anyone should stay in. So if you were in one abusive relationship, thank your lucky stars that you were finally able to get out of it.

A new relationship is always wonderful. Discovering what can make each other happy seems to be on top of your lists. However, as both of you become too comfortable with each other, there may be some things that can easily irritate you or your partner. Things may start changing and as time goes by, you will find out that some things that used to be trivial, like not being on time, are now things that can ignite a fight between the two of you.

An expression worth remembering is "Familiarity breeds contempt". Truer words couldn't be spoken for relationships. As you spend more time as a couple, trouble sets in. This will test the strength of your relationship. It is not easy to have a good relationship - it takes time, effort and a lot of work. Sometimes when things don't happen as planned, one party may just take the easy way out and call it quits.

If you tend to think that no matter how bad the relationship had been, you would still want to get your ex back, then these tips are for you:

1. Apologize for your mistakes.

Being sorry and actually saying that you are, is one of the best tips to get your ex back. It may not be all that you need to do, but it's a huge big first step to take. Be ready to say sorry for pain that you know you had caused. Just because you want to get your ex back, you don't really need to put all the blame on yourself. But remember, there is a saying that, " It takes two to tango". Think a million times before apologizing as you may end up being blamed for everything that went wrong. Whatever happens, don't make your apology lead to an argument.

2. Be calm.

Ask to meet your partner when both of you are ready. Never beg or plead to make your ex agree for a dialogue. If your ex doesn't want to talk, you need to try the next tip. If your ex agrees, you have to be in control of your emotions. Having a second chance to talk is not the time to fight. Make it one of the talking points that you both agree, that blame is not going to be an issue to be discussed.

Be objective and stay with the issues that need to be addressed. The results will be better if there is no blame game. You may even choose to invite a friend, you both know, in order to moderate the discussion.

3. Give your ex some space.

You may think it will be counterproductive in trying to win your ex back. Remember that not because you yearn to speak with your ex, that your ex wants the same thing. If you seriously want to get your ex back, give him time to think things through. Time away from each other gives your ex the chance to actually miss you.

4. Show that you have a life.

Prove that your self comes first. One of the best get your ex back tips is to regain your confidence. If you are waiting for the call to come, or constantly checking your e-mail for messages, you are not helping yourself. Get busy with your friends. Attend social gatherings. Do whatever it takes to get out and be alive.

It will make your ex wonder why every time he calls you seem to be somewhere else. If he needs to leave a message, he will. Wait till the next day and reply that you were quite busy, that you weren't able to return his call. It may shock your ex. You may end up getting your wish for your ex to pursue you again.