Grieving for a loved one who has taken their own life can be far more difficult than dealing with the death of a loved one who has died through natural causes. Suicide is fairly uncommon and so there will be less people around you who are able to fully understand and sympathise how you are feeling.

Along with the usual emotions experienced by those in mourning, thoughts at this time often include: 'What will people think?' 'Is it my fault he wanted to die?' 'Why didn't my wife want to stay with me?'How didn't I notice Ian was suicidal?' 'He was never the same after Peter fired him.' 'How could my husband leave me alone like this?'

Shame

There is still some shame attached to suicide and often only close family are aware of the circumstances attached to the death. When this happens the family will be unable to talk freely about their emotions and it can be particularly confusing for children in the family.

Guilt

Guilt is a common emotion when a loved one has taken their own life; particularly if it happened following an argument or conflict. Acknowledge that this emotion is normal in these circumstances and be aware that attempting to punish yourself will not bring your loved one back. Be aware that you, or those around you, may resort to using alcohol or drugs to punish your grief.

Blame

People will often focus upon a seemingly insignificant past event and become convinced this led to the suicide. They will often openly blame this event or person and can potentially destroy long terms friendships or family relationships. Blaming someone is usually a way of trying to regain control of the situation and attempting to find a reason for the death.

Anger and rejection

It is difficult to imagine a loved one you miss so much choosing to leave you. It is normal that you feel alone, rejected and insulted by their decision to take their own life; seemingly without a thought for how you would cope without them. Again, this emotion is perfectly normal and overtime you will come to realise that the state of mind your loved one was in would not have allowed such thoughts.

Generally, the closer you were the deceased, the more extreme your emotions (as described above) will be. Above all, do not try to protect the younger generation of your family by lying to them. It will be easier for them in the long term if you are honest. It may also be beneficial for the entire family to seek professional help in dealing with your loss if you feel that one or more of you continue to be consumed with grief, guilt, shame, blame or anxiety.